I think it's important to really know yourself. To know who you really are, what you like, what you dislike, what you truly value and believe in, what your goals and dreams are. It's especially important to know this when you're apart from someone else. You need to really look at yourself when you're alone, because it's all too easy to let someone come along and influence you to be someone or soemthing that you're not.
That said, I have been trying to really come to know myself. And one thing I am quickly realizing is that I'm not an average woman. Not at all. Nor am I an easy woman to understand. In fact, I can almost be contradicting in some of my behaviors and thoughts.
So, how am I unusual? Here are some examples.
1. Most women love roses. They want roses for special occasions. I think roses are boring and plain. Lilies, especially stargazer lilies, are my favorite flowers to receive. They're stately and elegant... powerful too. Lily of the Valley is actually quite poisionous... for some reason, I like that. The flower demands respect, it needs to be handled with care.
2. Most women like diamonds. I don't prefer them. Pearls are my favorite gem. They're a testament to patience and perserverance in the midst of trouble. An ordinary piece of sand that is a nuisance and an irritant to the oyster, over time, is changed to something beautiful and precious. Something worthless is now priceless. It reminds me of my Christian walk. I started out as an ordinary piece of sand. Through God's patience and work, he transforms me into something beautiful and precious. I like that.
3. Most women want an engagement ring, and a big one at that. Quite frankly, I really could care less if I got a ring. I'm not kidding. A big expensive ring is worthless if it comes from someone who doesn't really love me. I'd much rather have a man who loves me and respects me and have no ring and live my life poor, than to have a big expensive diamond ring, and tons of fancy things, and have a man who cheats on me and lies to me and doesn't treat me the way I should be treated. And if I get an engagement ring, I would like it to be small. It needs to pass what I call "the pocket test." If the ring gets stuck when I'm trying to put my hand in my pocket, it's too big, and I don't want it.
4. I would prefer a small intimate wedding rather than a big lavish one. The idea of eloping (although I want to be married by a pastor, no JP business) actually rather appeals to me.
5. I would prefer to rough it out camping than go to a beach for vacation. Not that I don't ever want to go to the beach, I like the beach. But camping and being around the woods and the nature that's in it appeals to me more than the ocean. Give me squirrels and racoons and spiders and snakes any day over crabs, sharks, jellyfish, and sandfleas.
6. I know more about my car and how it works than most men I know, let alone any girls. I can change my own tires, I check my oil, transmission fluid, power steering fluid, window washing fluid. I know the parts of my car so if something breaks down I have a general idea what may be wrong when I open the hood. I know how my engine works and can explain the difference between internal and external combustion engines and 4, 6, and 8 cylinder engines. And I like knowing that.
7. I really enjoy tinkering and fixing things. At college, my roommate clogged the sink by accidently pouring grease down the drain. I took the sink apart and removed the clogged and fixed it. I re-caulked our tub at college because the orginal caulk was all moldy. My current apartment bedroom door literally fell off the hinges because the wood in the hinge was so rotted, and I fixed it myself by sawing off a piece of a dowel rod and pushing that into the hole in the orginal wood, and then screwed the door into the dowel rod. I put together much of my own furniture, thanks to the massive coleman tool kit my Dad got me, along with my drill. I even have a table-top vice. That I have used, by the way. More than once.
These are all some of my unique aspects of myself that although they aren't ideal feminine traits, I love them about myself. They make me, me. And I'm not completely anti-feminine. I hate leaving the house without makeup. I don't need a lot of makeup, but I am honest enough to know that I look better with at least some light makeup on. I'm vain about my hair... I love it. I LOVE shoes, like most women do. I love to dress up in beautiful dresses... I like to dress well in general. I love accessories, be it hair accesories such as my polynesian flower (the maintenance guys at work love that) or my many scarves, or my big colorful costume jewelery. I love animals... of course the cute cuddly ones, but even the creepy things not many people like, such as spiders and rats and things like that. In fact, I decided that my perfect first date would be something involving animals, like going to a zoo or helping out at a shelter or something.
Some other things about me that I've realized lately- I'm not photogenic. This is more disturbing to me because both my sisters are about as photogenic as you can possibly be. Which of course makes me look even worse. But that's life I guess. Another thing is that I love to eat. I have a sweet tooth of ridiculous proportions. I love to hang out with friends and socialize, but I definitely need my space as well. Hanging around the house just reading and watching movies with people I love is one of my most favorite things to do. I can quote movies and sing all the songs from animated movies and broadway shows after seeing them only once (a trait I share with my sisters... it's entertaining to see us all in action! Ask us to act out the Swan Princess sometime... it's a riot!) Also, I love to bake. Not only so that I can eat my delicious creations, but because I love to share them with others and see the delight it brings. I love to serve. My whole family does, I'd say serving is our greatest spiritual gift. Also, I enjoy working out, but strength training is my preferred method. Basic cardio sucks.
There are a million other facets about me that I could list here, but that takes away all the mystery and besides that, I've made my point. The posting above describes a unique, interesting individual, who's worth getting to know, who's worth becoming friends with, who's worth loving. We all need to take a good look at ourselves and see who we really are, what is is that makes us uniquely us. Because if we don't know ourselves, we can't love ourselves, and if we can't love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to? And isn't that one of the biggest things we all want? To be loved? Especially for who we really are?
Get to know yourself this week. It'll be worth it in the end.
