I don't wanna gain the whole world, and lose my soul

This morning as I showered I had a great prayer time with God.

It's such a peaceful time, and a perfect time in my day where it's just me talking with him, no interruptions. And I was very honest in my prayers today.

At the beginning of this year, with resolutions being made by everyone, I took a good, hard look at myself. (See my January 5th Resolutions on a Roll blog). And I realized I didn't like who I was. I was full of unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, resentment, and jealousy, towards many different people. I wanted to change. I've often said I wanted to change, but I guess I didn't really mean it. This time, I did. At the beginning of this year, I really laid my heart out to God and told him of my desire to change. I really wanted to be able to forgive these people who hurt me, because only then could I be free from this bitterness and grief, and only then could I really forgive myself.

And you know what? God really has been working in me. Looking back on these past two months, I've felt lighter, better. I can feel the change in me. I've been able to think of certain people with better feelings, so I've been feeling better all around. It's amazing to see how the health of your heart can affect your whole spirit. It's so easy to lose focus on that, and slowly, your soul slips away from God, leaving you sick and miserable. I know, I felt that way. It's so much better to let go of everything, be it physical, material, mental or emotional things, and give it all to God. I love the song by Toby Mac that says it so well- I don't wanna gain the whole world, and lose my soul.

I encourage everyone to take a good look at themselves and their lives and see areas where they need to change. Things in this life are so transient, they pass away in an instant. Better to focus on the eternal, which is lasting and forever.

Peace and love!

Move in = success!

Moving Day!

Surprisingly, the move for Chris went very well, and very quickly. It was over in less than two hours. A great success!

I made cupcakes for the occasion, as a sort of welcome present for Chris but more as a thank you present for everyone who helped him move (there were six of us total) and they went over very well. The extras I brought home for my family, since my cousin AJ just turned 20 yesterday and Dee is turning 17 on Monday... we can celebrate their birthdays with cupcakes! Well, I'm also going shopping and to the movies with Dee and my sister Britt tomorrow (also for Dee's bday) so I guess the cupcakes will be more for AJ. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I could use a nice, relaxing day full of just fun. Especially because I don't get to see Britt that often (she works so hard with both school and work she's not home much) and I don't get to see Dee very much, either. So tomorrow should be a lot of fun. I can't wait! What a great way to bring in the month of March! :)

How is February almost over?!?

Wow. I just realized today that February is almost over, and March is almost here. Spring will be here before we know it! I for one am looking forward to spring... I can always breathe better in the spring/summer and I'd love that right about now. I don't understand how it is that someone as consistantly congested as I am in the winter needs to blow her nose so much. It's awful and I hate it. However, I can wait a little longer for spring to come.... with the advent of spring comes warmer weather, and while I am looking forward to that, I'm not really looking forward to the sweltering temperatures my apartment can reach in the summertime. :(

So anyway February was an interesting month. As everyone now knows, I found a new roommate, Chris, and he'll be moving in this Saturday. I'm baking special cupcakes as a welcoming present/bribe for his friends to help him move so there's less for us to do. :D I found some interesting new workouts I've been trying and have been feeling great! Not when I do them, of course, they're really tough workouts... I definitely feel the burn! But afterwards, I love the feeling of a great workout. I've been continuing my bellydance classes and really like them... I even signed up for a special 4 hour class this coming Friday (March 6) at my instructors house... it's a small group of only 10 people so we get more one on one instruction, which is really nice. We're going to have a traditional middle eastern dinner before we start the class, which I'm really looking forward to; I love learning about new cultures, especially when it deals with food. :)
I'll let you know how the class went next week!

Also, in January I attended a bible study with my friend Jennifer that's hosted by a Church she attended (she's been looking for a new Church lately). It's pretty close to my house and while I felt a bit of an age difference among some of the people there, I did like it and have decided to go back. I unfortunately missed this Monday's meeting due to not feeling so well, but I'm going to go to the next one in two weeks. I'm looking forward to it. I love my Church in Lansdale, but it's hard to get out there for special functions all the time. So it will be nice to have a small group of Christians nearer to me that I can get to know as well.

Wrapping up, I'm looking forward to this weekend, though it will be busy! Tomorrow is my cousin AJ's 20th birthday, yay! But I won't be able to be home since I'm helping Chris move in on Saturday. After that, I'll be heading home. Sunday my younger sister and I are going shopping and to the movies with our cousin Dee, who will be turning 17 on Monday, so we'll be celebrating her birthday with her. Sunday is also the day my mom is leaving for a vacation to Jamaica! Her friends surprised her with that THIS WEDNESDAY! Talk about short notice! However, everything worked out and she's really excited to go. I'm excited for her as well, though I am a little jealous, too. But I took a vacation day for Monday so I could have an extra day to hang out with my sister (since it's her spring break week) so I'm looking forward to that.

I hope everyone else has an enjoyable weekend as well! Enjoy the last two days of February! :)

There's gotta be somebody

Ugh. Sometimes I feel like I'm being beaten over the head with stories of love and happiness, and it just really sucks. If I see that stupid E-Harmony TV commercial with Joshua and Tanylee one more time, I think I may throw my TV out the window. It's so hard to watch for people like me, the singleton who has barely had any relationships and just gets to watch everyone around me fall in love and be so happy, while I'm just stuck watching. I feel like the kid in elementary school who always gets picked last for the team. With every kid that gets picked, your heart just gets tighter and tighter with the pain of knowing that you're not wanted. That everyone else has something better than you, something that makes them special, something that you don't have.

I don't mean to cry and whine all the time. Quite often I just buck up and go about my business and find some hope in my heart that God hasn't forgotten me. But sometimes, especially around times like stupid Valentine's Day, it gets harder to be positive and hopeful, and I just need to vent.

But I love Nickelback sometimes, cause they have some great songs, and this is one of my new favorites and perfect for how I'm feeling right now.

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling
The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I'll be holding my own breath, right up 'til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight
And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déjà vu
Me standing here with you
So I'll be holding my own breath, could this be the end
Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

You can't give up, looking for a diamond in the rough
You never know, when it shows up, make sure you're holding on
'Cause it could be the one, the one you're waiting on

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me,
ohhhNobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there
Nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there

3.5 years and fifty pounds later

So for those of you who don't know this, I've been working hard to change my body and get healthy since my senior year in college. I'd say I started changing my outlook around August 2005. What happened was the craziness of college completely got to me. One day I stepped on the scale and almost had a heart attack when I saw how much I weighed. And though I tried to hide it in the clothes I wore, I knew I definitely needed to lose weight. It's strange how the weight just kind of creeps up on you, and bad habits form, including not excercising because I was "too busy" and just waaaaay overeating. It's amazing how easy it is to overeat. I literally had to count calories the first month or two I started making changes, because I was just eating so much extra and I didn't even realize it. In October 2006, I really started taking things seriously when I joined the gym at Fox Chase Cancer Center. I received a lot of support from my friend and sort of trainer, Matt. Not to mention receieving support and feedback from other members, such as my friend Loretta, and the women of my aerobics class. Once I joined the gym, I really started changing physically. It was so awesome! Every 3 months, I would keep motivated by having Matt take all my measurements and run me through some fitness tests, so I could see my progress and how I changed. It was amazing! I loved seeing myself improve.

I was so sad to leave the FCCC gym when I got my new job at Lankenau, but I had found another great gym right by my house- the Ardmore location Philadelphia Sports Club. It fit me perfectly and I felt very comfortable there. I've also made some new friends, which makes going more fun and also keeps me accountable.

This all leads up to this past Wednesday. I had to go to the doctor for a checkup, and the nurse weighed me. I hadn't weighed myself in quite a long time, I really do believe it's just a number, and I was seeing results physically so didn't care about the number on the scale. But it was awesome when the nurse said I weighed 133 lbs!! I was ecstatic! I literally can't remember when I weighed that little- 8th or 9th grade probably. I know I weighed more than that in 10th grade. The best part is, being 133 lbs means that I have lost FIFTY pounds since I was my heaviest. Yes folks, I had once weighed 183 lbs in college. I didn't think I looked it back then, but now that I look back on pictures of myself during that time, I can definitely see it. It's so great to know that all my hard work has paid off!

And so lastly, I want to encourage anyone reading this to start today and work on changing your body for the better as well. It's hard work, definitely, but it pays off in so many ways. Cheers for good health! :)

My new roommate

So, I thank you Britty and Katie for giving me advice! And I have decided to go with Chris as my new roommate. I really got along well with him, and quite frankly, I am sick to death of showing my apartment to people who seem interested and then don't take it for some reason or other. I am very glad I'm not a real estate agent. And another reason I decided on Chris is because it helps me out of my comfort zone. I tend to be a very safe person, I don't like living on the edge and making risky decisions. I tend to rationalize and think things through. I don't like feeling uncomfortable for any reason.

But when I think about times that I've either been forced out of my comfort zone or wandered out on my own, I didn't die. Lighting didn't come down and strike me, I was never so miserable I was scarred for life. Usually, I found out that when it was all said and done, I had a good time, or I learned something new, or I changed for the better in some way. One recent example is fitness in my life. I was gradually changing things about me in areas of diet and fitness to become the best me I can be. However, at the gym, I started to stall. I was hiding out in the upstairs room that had limited weight (only 25 lbs) and I stopped seeing changes because I wasn't working hard enough anymore. I needed heavier weights to change again. But that meant going down to the first floor weight room, which was very scary to me. That's where all the ripped guys and girls were who really looked like they knew what they were doing. I didn't feel I belonged there... I didn't want to look foolish. But then I read an article by one of my favorite health and fitness gurus :) Brad Pilon. And in his article he was saying that if you never get out of your comfort zone, you'll never change. It's a matter of your priorities and what you really want for your life. Right there, I realized he was right. I still wanted my body to change, so I knew I'd have to buck up and head to the first floor weight room. And you know what? No one laughed at me. No one stopped and stared and made me feel weird or strange or like I didn't belong. I could work out better (and made some new friends in the process) and change for the better. And I'm really glad I did.

In the case of my new roommate, I'm apprehensive only because I don't know what to expect. Besides for my Dad, I have never lived with a guy before in my entire life. But I think it will be an interesting experience from which I can learn a lot. Perhaps living with Chris can help better prepare me for learning how to live with my future husband (if I ever get married). I've learned how to live and compromise with other girls, now maybe it's time to be tested if I can compromise sharing living quarters with a guy. While the process may be uncomfortable for me at times, I think I'll learn a lot from it. The best part is, if worst does come to worst, I can always move out. I'm hoping though that it doesn't come to that! :)

So, thanks everyone for their prayers and concern and advice for me during this time of roommate searching. I've really appreciated all your help!

Roommate update.... advice wanted! :)

So here it is, a few weeks after my initial posting about looking for a roommate, and I still don't officially have a new roommate- however, I did meet with someone today who liked the apartment and will take it if I offer it... to him. I've never had a male roommate before, and while I would prefer a female roommate, all the girls that I've shown the apartment to have decided on something else. I think overall, girls are just super picky. And Chris (my potential new roommate) is not. He seems super chill and very nice , clean, respectful, and low key. The best part is, he's a Christian. That's why he answered my ad (I mentioned I was a Christian in the ad I posted). And we seem to have a lot in common- we are both dorky sci-fi lovers, and we both love to read. Overall, I think once I get over my initial weirdness factor, I could get along with him really well.

But I posted this only because I'd like feedback from my friends who read my blog: do you think I should go ahead and have a male roommate, or keep looking for a female roommate? As my friends I truly value your opinion and would love to hear your advice. Thanks!