memories

Memory is a funny thing.



Sometimes, I can remember something bad that happened to me like it was yesterday. Every sense feels so fresh and raw. But thankfully, I have more good memories than bad, and I can remember good things that happened in the same way. Sometimes I can just close my eyes and I'm taken back to that very moment in time, when everything was right with the world.



Sometimes, it's funny what I remember. What I've cherished in my heart that some people would never believe. For instance, I've been single most of my entire life. Yet I can still remember everyone who liked me (that I knew of, if they didn't actually make it verbally known I can't say I remember). Although I rejected them for whatever reason (usually because I was too young to date... ironically I was asked out more in jr. high than I ever was in high school or college) I appreciated that they thought enough of me to want to date me, and even more, were brave enough to tell me. I clearly remember being babysat by a woman who had a son I attended pre-school with. Every day, he asked me to marry me. Being in pre-K, of course I said no. But I remember it. I remember his name and what he looked like. I remember we always had to play house, and I was the mom, and he was the dad, and his brother was our son. I always got mad we always had to play house. :) But now, it's a fond memory, and I think back on it and wonder where he is now, and I hope he's well.



I was madly pursued all through elementary school by a boy who was a real sweetheart, but again, I was too young to date. That didn't stop him from slyly sneaking up to my mother in a 2 piece suit at our second grade school concert and asking "if me and my family would please accompany his family to the New York City Ballet." No lie, that's exactly what he said. A SECOND grader! Of course I was dragged to that, and bribed with chocolate I never did end up seeing to sit next to him. I remember some gifts he gave me later on in elementary school too. I liked collecting glass figurines, how he knew that I'll never know. But one year, he gave me a glass rabbit holding a saxaphone- it looked like Beatrice Potter's Peter Rabbit. And another year he gave me a glass swan. I still have both of them and treasure the memories I have of him.



In junior high, a boy on my school bus liked me. He got the entire school bus to petition on his behalf for me to go out with him. However, at the time I didn't really know him, plus I was only in seventh grade- not really interested in dating. In time we became friends, he and his family started attending our Church. Now he's married to a sweet girl. I still remember those times on the school bus.



Also in junior high (this time in 8 grade), I was asked to dance by one of my friends at our Valentine's Day dance. Towards the end of the dance, he asked me out, and I did say yes. I remember he squeezed me in a tight hug because he was happy I said yes. However, over the weekend, I realized I was too young to date, and I shouldn't "go out with him." But I agonized over it almost to the point of making myself sick. Before I broke things off with him, he had given me a Valentine's Day card. It was larger than your average card, maybe 9 inches tall or so. It had a mouse on the front. I remember it clearly. I thought it was so cute. How could he have known that years later, I'd be working with mice every day? I hated hurting him by "breaking up with him." I hated (and still do) turning people away. After all, I've been on the receiving end of rejection myself, and it always stings. Over time, the pain lessens, but it still hurts a lot in the beginning.



There were a few others, but I don't want to make this too long, nor make it seem like I'm blowing my own horn by making it seem like I'm so desireable and wanted or something. First, I'm not that desireable in the first place, and the point of this blog is not to focus on me but more on those who (while they may not have thought so or realized at the time) I feel paid me the highest compliment by liking me and letting me know it. Just because I didn't say yes, doesn't mean I wrote them off, or thought badly of them.



Now that I've written this, I'm not quite sure why I wrote it, or if anyone will care but me. But at the end of the day, it really is the truth and I wish I could find them all and tell them that.