I want to be a kite

Today I met with a couple from my Church who specializes in counseling and mentoring couples. As most of you know, I'm not part of a couple, so why whould I meet with them? Well, lately I've been thinking that I don't know much about marriage, I think I'd be very unprepared for it, not to mention just trying to handle a dating relationship. So, I asked a few couples who I believe have strong, solid relationships that I would like to have eventually if they would help talk me through some things.

My first meeting was with Pam and Steve Smith, who are the leaders of my College and Career Class at Church. I think they have a really great relationship, and like I said, they are really great with mentoring and counseling. I'll admit, at first I was a little nervous. I'm not sure why exactly. But I am so glad I did this!

Pam and Steve went over common problems people have with marriage and how to avoid them. These included physical, emotional, and mental obstacles people face. Pam also talked about things women often do to sabatoge relationships. Thankfully, I was already aware of the three things she mentioned, so that was a good step for me. However, Pam and Steve also mentioned that one of the hardest problems single people have in going into relationships is that they've built themselves up to be this single entity. They're independent, well established, and find it difficult to all of the sudden have to compromise and be part of a team. Uh, oh. This is something I've recognized in myself, I'm very independent. Now I know it's definitely something I have to work on. Four of the couples I admire the most (whom I will give a shout out to, they are my parents, Pam and Steve Smith, Brian and Mary Hand, and Jon and Terri Yeakel) are absolutely great examples of teamwork. They work together in unison, each one complimenting the other perfectly. I know from experience how much this is true of my parents, I've seen it every day growing up. Pam worded it great tonight- in relationships, a good couple is like a kite. One person is the kite, the other is the string. The kite would dive bomb and crash without the string, and the string without the kite is boring and not very useful. And while the string is holding onto the kite, it's not tying it down, the kite is still flying free. I really liked that analogy.

Another point that was made for me is that I have a very negative view of things. I did already know that, but never thought much about how it's affecting me and my relationships (or lack thereof). For people who think I'm a very positive person, well, you either really don't know me, or I hide it very well. I'm definitely not an optimist, at best, I'd consider myself a realist. Negativity is something I do struggle with often. My mindset is, "Think the worst, because then you'll either be proven right, or be pleasantly surprised." Not a good mindset I know, but it's unfortunately how I think. Although one of the reasons I do think the worst is not to be negative, but to be prepared in case something does go wrong. But to get back to the point, I'm sabotaging myself because I immediately think of all the things that could go wrong with the relationship, so I'm basically dooming it to fail. It's not because I want to be pessimistic, it's just that I'm trying to avoid hurt on the other person's part. But in doing this, I'm not really being myself and letting them see me, and I'm not really letting myself into the relationship. So this is something I definitely have to work on.

Overall, I had a really enjoyable time with Pam and Steve, and I really look forward to hearing from other couples I've requested to meet with. I learned alot about myself and things I need to work on, as well as what to expect when going into a relationship. I think anyone who's considering taking that step of entering into a relationship should really try this, so far it's been a really eye opening experience for me. I'll keep posting on how my changes are going! :)